Monday, March 9, 2015

The Lord Knew

When the prophet announced the new ages for women who could serve missions. I cried. I did. At that age I was at a point of making big changes in my life and commitments to the Lord that I knew with all my heart that I had served myself for so long but that I came to the realization that I didn't like that and I didn't like what it did for my life and that I was ready to serve him. I met Kaulana and we wanted to serve him together and we married. Shortly after along came two boys who I feel so absolutely under-qualified to raise. How in the world do I be EVERYTHING they need me to be. How do I teach them to be men of God? How do I teach them to love?... All this without ripping my hair out everyday... I wished at 19 when all my life was changing that I would have the opportunity to serve a mission. The Lord brought Kaulana instead and I knew that was the path for me. But then fast forward to these two boys and I am completely over my head wishing I had the opportunity to serve a mission so that I could be better qualified to teach and love and raise a family how the Lord would want me to. In my head I have always wondered why I didn't get to have that amazing opportunity to help me to learn and grow so that I could be better equipped to be what HE needs me to be for them. Today as I was reading and I realized that I needed to put those two things together. Being better equipped to be a mother and serving a mission. This is my mission. Not in a mission impossible kind of way but. This is truly my mission. The Lord knew me. He knows me. He knew that I needed to be a wife and a mother to learn and to grow in the ways he needed me to. He knows me. He knows what I need. I am grateful for that. I am grateful for a loving Heavenly Father that knew more than I did. Because oh how I have grown. And how I have yet to grow. I am grateful for this knowledge and the peace it brings.

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