When the prophet announced the new ages for women who could serve missions. I cried. I did. At that age I was at a point of making big changes in my life and commitments to the Lord that I knew with all my heart that I had served myself for so long but that I came to the realization that I didn't like that and I didn't like what it did for my life and that I was ready to serve him. I met Kaulana and we wanted to serve him together and we married. Shortly after along came two boys who I feel so absolutely under-qualified to raise. How in the world do I be EVERYTHING they need me to be. How do I teach them to be men of God? How do I teach them to love?... All this without ripping my hair out everyday... I wished at 19 when all my life was changing that I would have the opportunity to serve a mission. The Lord brought Kaulana instead and I knew that was the path for me. But then fast forward to these two boys and I am completely over my head wishing I had the opportunity to serve a mission so that I could be better qualified to teach and love and raise a family how the Lord would want me to. In my head I have always wondered why I didn't get to have that amazing opportunity to help me to learn and grow so that I could be better equipped to be what HE needs me to be for them. Today as I was reading and I realized that I needed to put those two things together. Being better equipped to be a mother and serving a mission. This is my mission. Not in a mission impossible kind of way but. This is truly my mission. The Lord knew me. He knows me. He knew that I needed to be a wife and a mother to learn and to grow in the ways he needed me to. He knows me. He knows what I need. I am grateful for that. I am grateful for a loving Heavenly Father that knew more than I did. Because oh how I have grown. And how I have yet to grow. I am grateful for this knowledge and the peace it brings.
Wednesday, January 14, 2015
Seriously haven't blogged in forever. I've been stalling in an effort to wait for the hubbs to hook up our drive for all the pictures to be loaded in on one place between our computers but I can no longer wait because I know I always look back at my pregnancy with the boys and I know I'll want to remember every detail of this sweet spirit coming into our lives!
I switched to a new doctor yet again this pregnancy. I am thrilled with the choice we made because Dr. Holmes has been exceptional. Seriously one in a million OB and I am so grateful for the feeling I should switch. It was so fun having my doctor actually do my ultra sound. So much more personal and so fun! He is so quirky and made everything so fun. The nurse and Dr. Holmes asked if we had any inclinations of what we thought we were having. And needless to say Kaulana and I have both been CONVINCED from the very beginning that we were having a girl. I got lots of warnings from those around me saying I needed to be ok with having a boy. And I was. Even right before the ultrasound I leaned over to Kaulana and said, "I'm ok if it's a boy you know". We were totally okay with having a boy, I mean we have two, we know how to do boys, we have all the stuff for boys, we just felt in our guts that it was a baby girl.
Sure enough Dr Holmes finds just the right spot and says "So what do you think it is!?!" and I hesitated because I didn't want to just say it but THAT WAS NOT WHAT OUR BOYS LOOKED LIKE!
IT'S A GIRL!
I thought for sure I would be jumping for joy! But instead this calm reassuring feeling came flowing through me that "I knew it". She was meant for our family and I can feel it right down to my core! I know it sounds so silly. Every time Dr. Holmes would say "she" I would have the same warming in my heart over and over. It was incredible.
On the other hand it did not even faze Kaulana one bit. He's like "ya and? I already knew it was a girl!" He told everyone from our very first ultra sound that there was a "bow on her head". Seriously this guy.
She was wiggling all over so he would have to snap pictures so quickly to get all the measurements he needed. At the end when he went to actually get a picture of her gender to send home with us she had settled down and was not willing to work with us one bit. She had her legs straight out but crossed at her ankles. Every time we tried to get her to move she would just cross her ankles the other way. It was so tender and sweet but oh so firm. She knew we had seen what we needed to and who else needed proof!?! But my goodness she has the longest most beautiful legs. And what seemed like gigantic feet. I kept thinking we've got a great basketball player on our hands. But Kaulana pointed out that would also be great for a dancer. Here's to dreaming till we get to see her again.
I could swear I felt her kicking at least once a day for two or three weeks from weeks 11-14 but it stopped until recently and consistently since 1*6*15 I feel her quite regularly. It's so awesome. Kaulana even felt her moving around that day. The only thing that got me through so many weeks and weeks of sickness was the knowing that I would get to feel her move! One of the best feelings in the entire world.
I'd like to say I'm just totally besides myself thinking about having a girl but I just knew it! I've almost been preparing this the last three months to hear those words. More like the past two years shortly after Benson was born. But oh gosh are we excited. When time gets closer to her arrival I'm sure I'll be freaking out. "HOW IN THE WORLD DO I DO THIS GIRL THING!" But until then...pure happiness. Kala has been asking for a baby sister ever since we told him that I was pregnant and that he would be getting a little brother or sister. It's about the sweetest thing ever.
Now I just day dream about what in the world her name should be. It has me all out of sorts. With both boys we already knew what their names would be by the ultrasound. We have a few being thrown around but one single name hasn't been nailed down. Part of me thinks she will be our only girl and so she has so many potential amazing names. So many great women in our lives that she could be named after!
We are just so thrilled to be welcoming a little girl and I can't even begin to comprehend the changes about to come into our lives. All I know is dirt, cars, balls and wrestling. She is going to have to be one tough little sister to hold her own with these big brothers of hers. It was so fun peeking in to see her little personality and I can't wait till she gets here to get to know her sweet spirit even more.